I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
