my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
