When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
