He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
