This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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