So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
