I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
