Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
