i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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