I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize