So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
