I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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