Christians are straight up FREAKS
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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