one two three fourrrrnication!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
