I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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