I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
