walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
