Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
