every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
