I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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