That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
