this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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