Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
