drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i believe in u and ur pee
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
