Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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