it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
