So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
