I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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