I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
