How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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