I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
