I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to be your penis for a week.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
