it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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