Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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