I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
