you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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