Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
