The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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