I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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