Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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