I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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