you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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