i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
