I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize