Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i permit you to call me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you never un-have a 4some
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
