You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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