rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
