i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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