we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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