Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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