oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
