God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im part way to drunk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
