hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
