Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
