i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
