It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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