I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
