at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
