I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
