Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
