I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
