i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
