Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
