Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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