He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
