i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
