so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
