See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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