Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
