I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
