this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
