Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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