Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
