the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
