this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
