does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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