You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize