I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
