Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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