How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
